Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
