Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
