Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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