evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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