Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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