We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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