if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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