Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so much tequila, so little girl.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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