If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
