it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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