her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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