Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
