They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
