May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
