my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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