my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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