Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You are a genius and a whore.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
