So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
