I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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