Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize