Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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