i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
