She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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