with your own penis?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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