i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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