currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
