Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
