How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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