I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
