Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Buhtt sex?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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