I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
