Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
