I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
