You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
