how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
