Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a hot homeless man
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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