You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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