I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
