I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who died my cat blue again?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
