it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize