dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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