I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize