I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
