VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
