I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
