to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
