you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
