i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
