I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
