don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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