I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
