Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
