why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
