The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
