I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
