Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
