we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
