tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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