Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
