I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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