I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
