My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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