i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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