Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
