if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
