Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
