a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
