Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
