So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wish there were birth control emojis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
