Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well you can't waste a boner
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
