The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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