Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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